You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
