Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
