I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize