Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wear drunk well.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
