Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
