I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
