Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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