so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
