Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
