So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
