just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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