I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
