Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
