When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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