she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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