she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
