you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
