so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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