You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
