laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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