my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
