Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
