I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
