im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
