did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
