Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
