I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
