Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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