exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize