John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
