sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
