you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
