i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
