Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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