Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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