Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
