Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
