there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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