She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Text me some of your sweat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
