i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
