i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize