i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
foreskin is a definite game changer
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize