Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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