my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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