I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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