3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
