I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
