I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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