Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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