I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
