bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
