I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
