And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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