sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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