Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
