im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
