And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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