I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
