my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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