I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
