you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
