hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
