She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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