dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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