I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
