Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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