Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
