I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
