I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize