I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
