I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
