I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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