dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
