I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
